CHAPTER 2: Think. Feel. Believe and you will BECOME!

"People won’t like me! There’s no use! I can’t do it! I’ll never follow through! My opinions don’t matter! I’ll never be any different! I am not worth it! I’m not good enough! It’s too complicated for me!”  Have you ever thought like this?

Today, we will be talking about something that I’ve been experiencing from a very long time. I won’t say that I know everything about this topic. Frankly speaking, I have never given this topic much of my attention or importance. But, after doing the research work on this topic I thought that it may seem small but it holds a lot of importance. I am just learning about it and here I am, experimenting it and having you to explore along with me. It’s about the negative self-talk.

We sometimes grossly underestimate our own potential, our capabilities. It’s like being mean to oneself and being a mental terrorist. It’s like self-bullying. I did not realize that myself, it was my teacher who once pointed out to me that I tend to speak negatively about myself. At that time, I didn’t pay any attention to it. Maybe, I thought its okay to have this. But now, I’ve realized it’s not OK. And this realization made me reflect on that. This blog content is kind of out of my comfort zone. I just sat down and remembered what my sir asked me, “What if your friend continuously bug you saying you are useless, worthless, you won’t be able to do? Then do you accept it all or just ask them to get off.” I could not answer, rather did not know the need to answer. I now know the relevance that question held. And after all this time of research I got clearer about the so-called friend of mine who is inside my head.

I did not prepare any notes for this blog and this blog is what I call free-styling. I wanted to do this because I thought that this might be helpful for the others that they are not alone, and that we are going through this kind of together, although everyone’s stories and situation may vary. So why not use this platform for something good. 

In my case, it wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was a gradual process. It started when I was in my last of schooling, 12^th standard. Well, that year is one of my best years of my life. But then why did I suddenly started talking negatively about myself? And this has been the interesting part, trying to figure out. Maybe, it was one of those years, that had lots of confusion in it. Maybe, that uncertainty led me, my mind to those negative self-thoughts and resulted in me seeing myself negatively.

So, what does this negative self-talk looks like? Hey! I mean sounds like? And this is going to be different for everyone. For some people it may be there looks, for some it may be their relationships and for some it may be their skills and capabilities. For me, it’s mostly been my everything. Like if I in a discussion and I have a question or suggestion, I probably would keep that to myself because somebody held me and said “You will just be wasting the time and it won’t be worth”. That was not a physical being holding me and saying things like I am not good enough, nagging me all day throughout regardless of what it is that I am doing, everything, that somebody was in my head. It was a voice. At first, I did not realize, who’s it is cause, I did not acknowledge who it is but did acknowledged what it said. It’s like we fear something will happen or something happened and we our beating ourselves up about it.

Even now in this year, when I have loads of time to think, TO JUST THINK! I feel the same uncertainty leading me to all sorts of these negative self-talk sessions made me travel to the time when my sir asked me the earlier mentioned question. And my bulb lit in seconds. This voice, she is kind of like, a friend of mine who makes me feel useless, a friend who has trespassed my property and now just refuses to leave. Answering to that question, I decide to get rid of it. But she is my friend and getting rid of her won’t be a good idea. Yeah, the goal is not to completely get rid of it as a little criticism can be a good thing! It motivates us to be a better person. But, there’s a difference between “this is a challenge for you to do it” and “you are not smart to do this”. Okay, so what am I doing to cope with these voices? How do I stop beating myself up and replace this negative self-talk?

Well, since this is a voice inside my head, I might as well give it a name. You too try giving it a name. Call it whatever you want. I named it ‘Chemistry’. In backtracking Chemistry’s story, now I know when, where and why she befriended me. Now the question is do I really need to encourage her. No, I don’t need to believe everything my mind thinks or I may say, what Chemistry says.  

In science, it is called the sub-conscious mind. And it is said that once the sub-conscious accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. Studies show negative self-talk is associated with everything, from smaller and simpler things to bigger and tedious things. We spend most our time in our life inside our head, so we need to make it a nice and positive place. Right? Now, what do we do? But let me get this clear again, we need not to extract the voice or try not to listen her. Remember, what you resist, persists!

Like everything, our brain also comprises of two parts: Negativity and positivity, the good and the evil. No neutral or diplomatic grounds in your brain. It’s either the positive and good or the negative and the evil. Let’s take it in this way, there is a book and it has both a hero and a villain. Both their roles, behaviour, attribute, aspects and traits are described. Both their roles are strong and powerfully influential. You’re the reader and in charge. Which character, traits and attributes do you let to dominate you, influence you? In the same way, we must not allow the negative part to dominate our brain. Because the way we think affects us most. It is said, “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” And I say if the self-talk’s attitude changes, our altitudes change respectively. Our brain is a master chef and our thoughts work as the ingredients to our unique recipe. We can also say that our mind is a computer and the self-talks are the programs that will run on it. So, if you think, you cannot do it then you won’t be able to do it because you program your computer not to. Your body hears everything your mind says. Our thoughts lead to actions. Actions become habits. Habits lead to RESULTS! Many great personalities like Jim Kwik, Hensel said that the two most powerful words in English language is ‘I am’ because what we put after it to complete the sentence is going to shape your life and determine our destination, our destiny.

I feel you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but it’s still standing. Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Acknowledge the courage to be what you are. What you write on the inside, you will experience it all on the outside. Jump off the train of thoughts that don’t take you to a better place! Use your imagination and create a new phrase or a new belief that is more aligned with really who you are and what you really want to be. Unleash the magic of your sorcerer brain!