CHAPTER 2: Think. Feel. Believe and you will BECOME!

"People won’t like me! There’s no use! I can’t do it! I’ll never follow through! My opinions don’t matter! I’ll never be any different! I am not worth it! I’m not good enough! It’s too complicated for me!”  Have you ever thought like this?

Today, we will be talking about something that I’ve been experiencing from a very long time. I won’t say that I know everything about this topic. Frankly speaking, I have never given this topic much of my attention or importance. But, after doing the research work on this topic I thought that it may seem small but it holds a lot of importance. I am just learning about it and here I am, experimenting it and having you to explore along with me. It’s about the negative self-talk.

We sometimes grossly underestimate our own potential, our capabilities. It’s like being mean to oneself and being a mental terrorist. It’s like self-bullying. I did not realize that myself, it was my teacher who once pointed out to me that I tend to speak negatively about myself. At that time, I didn’t pay any attention to it. Maybe, I thought its okay to have this. But now, I’ve realized it’s not OK. And this realization made me reflect on that. This blog content is kind of out of my comfort zone. I just sat down and remembered what my sir asked me, “What if your friend continuously bug you saying you are useless, worthless, you won’t be able to do? Then do you accept it all or just ask them to get off.” I could not answer, rather did not know the need to answer. I now know the relevance that question held. And after all this time of research I got clearer about the so-called friend of mine who is inside my head.

I did not prepare any notes for this blog and this blog is what I call free-styling. I wanted to do this because I thought that this might be helpful for the others that they are not alone, and that we are going through this kind of together, although everyone’s stories and situation may vary. So why not use this platform for something good. 

In my case, it wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was a gradual process. It started when I was in my last of schooling, 12^th standard. Well, that year is one of my best years of my life. But then why did I suddenly started talking negatively about myself? And this has been the interesting part, trying to figure out. Maybe, it was one of those years, that had lots of confusion in it. Maybe, that uncertainty led me, my mind to those negative self-thoughts and resulted in me seeing myself negatively.

So, what does this negative self-talk looks like? Hey! I mean sounds like? And this is going to be different for everyone. For some people it may be there looks, for some it may be their relationships and for some it may be their skills and capabilities. For me, it’s mostly been my everything. Like if I in a discussion and I have a question or suggestion, I probably would keep that to myself because somebody held me and said “You will just be wasting the time and it won’t be worth”. That was not a physical being holding me and saying things like I am not good enough, nagging me all day throughout regardless of what it is that I am doing, everything, that somebody was in my head. It was a voice. At first, I did not realize, who’s it is cause, I did not acknowledge who it is but did acknowledged what it said. It’s like we fear something will happen or something happened and we our beating ourselves up about it.

Even now in this year, when I have loads of time to think, TO JUST THINK! I feel the same uncertainty leading me to all sorts of these negative self-talk sessions made me travel to the time when my sir asked me the earlier mentioned question. And my bulb lit in seconds. This voice, she is kind of like, a friend of mine who makes me feel useless, a friend who has trespassed my property and now just refuses to leave. Answering to that question, I decide to get rid of it. But she is my friend and getting rid of her won’t be a good idea. Yeah, the goal is not to completely get rid of it as a little criticism can be a good thing! It motivates us to be a better person. But, there’s a difference between “this is a challenge for you to do it” and “you are not smart to do this”. Okay, so what am I doing to cope with these voices? How do I stop beating myself up and replace this negative self-talk?

Well, since this is a voice inside my head, I might as well give it a name. You too try giving it a name. Call it whatever you want. I named it ‘Chemistry’. In backtracking Chemistry’s story, now I know when, where and why she befriended me. Now the question is do I really need to encourage her. No, I don’t need to believe everything my mind thinks or I may say, what Chemistry says.  

In science, it is called the sub-conscious mind. And it is said that once the sub-conscious accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. Studies show negative self-talk is associated with everything, from smaller and simpler things to bigger and tedious things. We spend most our time in our life inside our head, so we need to make it a nice and positive place. Right? Now, what do we do? But let me get this clear again, we need not to extract the voice or try not to listen her. Remember, what you resist, persists!

Like everything, our brain also comprises of two parts: Negativity and positivity, the good and the evil. No neutral or diplomatic grounds in your brain. It’s either the positive and good or the negative and the evil. Let’s take it in this way, there is a book and it has both a hero and a villain. Both their roles, behaviour, attribute, aspects and traits are described. Both their roles are strong and powerfully influential. You’re the reader and in charge. Which character, traits and attributes do you let to dominate you, influence you? In the same way, we must not allow the negative part to dominate our brain. Because the way we think affects us most. It is said, “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” And I say if the self-talk’s attitude changes, our altitudes change respectively. Our brain is a master chef and our thoughts work as the ingredients to our unique recipe. We can also say that our mind is a computer and the self-talks are the programs that will run on it. So, if you think, you cannot do it then you won’t be able to do it because you program your computer not to. Your body hears everything your mind says. Our thoughts lead to actions. Actions become habits. Habits lead to RESULTS! Many great personalities like Jim Kwik, Hensel said that the two most powerful words in English language is ‘I am’ because what we put after it to complete the sentence is going to shape your life and determine our destination, our destiny.

I feel you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but it’s still standing. Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Acknowledge the courage to be what you are. What you write on the inside, you will experience it all on the outside. Jump off the train of thoughts that don’t take you to a better place! Use your imagination and create a new phrase or a new belief that is more aligned with really who you are and what you really want to be. Unleash the magic of your sorcerer brain!

CHAPTER 1: Let's give it a go!

What if this happens, what if that happens? And if this is what has to happen then I better not try.  Have you read Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”? There was a quote there, saying “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” There was even a Shahrukh Kan’s dialogue saying the same things, 

But I don’t have the same thoughts, rather I think exactly opposite to it. “Whenever we want something with true determination then the whole world will try to create an obstacle between us and our destination. Don’t you think?

Have you ever faced any setback as soon as you start something new? Then what do you feel?

Well, I feel more enthusiastic about my journey to the success. I think reading the autobiographies of all those successful people paid off. There isn’t a single strong person with an easy past as far as my knowledge. Nobody has invented a new thing in a single go, without failing. Each one of them tried to shoot in the darkness. They failed numerous times, and each time they failed, they felt to be one step closer to their goals. Then, why should I get disheartened so easily and accept defeat.

Success is not a destination, it's a journey. ‌ There's no definition of success…. When you are successful it becomes a definition. 

There might be many definitions for success but if you turn out to be successful, then you yourself will become a definition of success. And for that we will have to step out of our comfort zone. Nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risk.

The greatest risk is not taking one. You will miss 100% of the shots you never take. And in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.

If you don't take risks, you can't create a future. -Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. -Bill Gates

A successful person is somebody who has no safety net underneath them, somebody who doesn’t always play it safe or they’ll die wondering.

It’s like a competition “RISK VS REGRET”.

Be patient enough to learn, but impatient enough to take risks. -Cynthia Tidwell

There are so many people around me who have these incredible ideas, fantastic brains who want to do something that would make them satisfied, happy. Hey! I am not talking about the works that they are doing in their daily routine to earn for their living and make everyone around them happy. Something that they desire to achieve…. Like if you have read or watched Harry Potter, you may know about the Mirror of Erised. It shows your deepest desires in reflection. 

But they do not take the step because they think that it’s motivation that they are missing, a little push and maybe they would achieve it. But, that’s not true. The truth is that we human beings are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or risky. Our brain has the tendency to reflex and pull ourselves away from the danger to protect us, our bodies. It’s a boundless anatomy. We all have a habit of hesitating.

Once I was in a group discussion and I had this amazing idea, instead of just saying it all aloud I paused and hesitated. Then I realised how the brain functions. The brain starts finding a way to protect you and one of the ways is called the spotlight effect. It’s a known phenomenon where the brain tends to magnify the condition, situation that triggers our hesitation and pulls you away from something that perceives to be a problem. This was the times when I answered my very own question “what is it that I will truly lose?”  If I take this step then, it can cost me failure, a financial instability and some  experiences that I cannot even imagine in my worst nightmares…. And this failure will end me back up to where I started, the same place I am right now, at this very moment. So, what is it I exactly lose?

We let our fear of failure dictate our actions. We fear what will others say. When I took a decision for myself, for my future, the first thought that came to my mind will my parents allow, will I be able to do, am I right taking this step and the most important thing this is something new, which I never did before nor anyone from my family did. Yeah! I know, I know the first thought had more than one thought.

This step may make me fall behind my friends and mates, knowing all the risks and struggles that are waiting for me and so on. For once, for just a tini-tiny moment, I hesitated but then I thought that if I don’t try then I would surely fail. Many people called me stupid to leave such a secure field. 

Hey! Let me ask you something. Do you know the difference between stupidity and genius? It is that genius has its limits. So, being a stupid meant to me a person controlling their remote themselves.

Well, the risk I took was calculated. But man, I am bad at maths😅. And right now, I am more than ready to take another risk and I am still working on my calculations.

What matters truly is YOU. You are in possession of a gift, your idea, your talent and whatever that is, you just need to take a leap to get closer to a better, stronger version of yourself.

If for once we try and find the root cause of the problem or complaint in our life, the ultimate answer will be silence and hesitation. Our goal can only depend on our initiative. Nothing from outside can push us to move forward. If we want to be champions, we can only rely on our will power. We can't be defeated by any pressure. Dreams won't shine, what will shine is you who chase for your dreams. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs. We will experience confusions, frustrations, failures and pains. But all this can't be compared to the satisfaction of achieving goals and outdoing ourselves, and the excitement of dreams coming true. Take risks, if you win, you’ll be happy and if you lose, you’ll be wise. If you feel confused about the road ahead, ask yourself, what is the thing you truly love and dream about?

Don’t get stuck in your own little world because the purpose of life is to explore and experience or you’ll get stagnant. In the scheme of life, hitting the snooze button is not that big of a deal.

It’s a knowledge-action gap where you get trapped, you know what to do but you can’t seem to make yourself to do it. It’s like just one google search away from the list of actions that you need to do. If you follow any of them, it may change your life. If you want fame, you have to be prepared for a long hard slog. So, in order to achieve your dreams and goals, you’ll go through tough times for sure but hold on!

STOP CLENCHING ONTO YOURSELF AND GIVE IT A GO!

PROLOGUE

Welcome to my very first blog. So, this blog will just be explaining who I am, what you can expect from my upcoming blogs and why am I doing this?

So, number one: Who am I? 

My name is Pratyushi Dey, 21 years old, Indian. I'm a graduating Leather Fashion Design student. My background in designing has heavily influenced my approach to things in life. I am generally considered as an introvert but, I would rather say I am somewhere midway between an introvert and extrovert. I am also a fun person in my own way. If I like or love something, I can just overdo it sometimes and I like mostly everything. Like, since, I have been allowed to issue books from library, I have always issued Happy Potter. I have read all the 7 parts, let’s say, 7 times each. And I love it. This book holds a very important place in my life. I still watch cartoons, eat toffees, lollipop. I just cannot resist them. For once I can be bribed by these and chocolates. Growing up, I wanted to be a teacher, doctor, journalist, lawyer, actor, fashion designer and editor in chief of a magazine………… Maybe the list can cover all the existing professions. Here, I am a fashion designing student. I am happy that atleast, I am not doing something that I did not have there on my list. I love reading books (well not my syllabus books). I had the habit of journaling from the time I didn’t even knew the meaning of journaling.

Now number two: What can you expect from my blogs?

It will be a personal blog. I would share a little bit and bits of everything in between my life that I’d share with my close friends. I'll be writing about different experiences or encounters of life and how can you all benefit from reading them, whether it’s a book, comic, novel, movie…. I loved and recommend you guys, or a trip or event I went to, or some of my inspiration, theme, mood board for my designs (a story-line), or a personal challenge I’ve gone through and how these made a difference to my life.

 

For this blogging site, I also want this to be a platform where I can talk about causes that are close to my heart and hopefully this can also be a medium for me to discover new advocacies, fall in love with them and share them with you.

And thirdly: Why am I doing this?

First of all, I need a passion project in my life. Also, I conditioned my body for the past 16 years to respond to stress and pressure and now that I'm doing nothing.... I need something to keep me occupied while I look for a part time, because or else my body will just start to decay, to slowly decay. I love reading blogs and creating one was always on my mind but never had the guts or time to create one.

The things I've experienced, the people I've met, all the crazy memories that I thought that I'll never be able to even try and tell anyone but here I am, doing the exact same thing that wasn’t expected of me. I've never been a superficial person. I've never cared much about status, followers, whatever you want to call it. But it's starting to get to me. I've found myself starting to care way too much about all those meaningless things so much that I have almost forgotten how to have fun. You know how you have those moments in life that enlighten you? Once, I went to marriage ceremony with my family and suddenly it was like my mind scanning the whole place: Is anyone really enjoying themselves? I looked around, most people are on their phones taking photos or just on their phones looking bored as heck. Everyone was looking gorgeous, but hey what else is there? Where was the liveliness? And most importantly what the heck was I even doing there? I know I might sound like I didn’t like it much; I am not at all. I do love it here in this world. This world has taught me some very important life lessons and has allowed me to meet some of the most amazing people. And I'll cherish the memories forever. But I have to take a step back I don't want to lose myself and thankfully, it's not too late for that. Right? Wrong. Well, kind of. Let me explain, if I talk about my social media handles; whenever I used to post any picture of myself or maybe anything, I used to think that whether this would look good to others. Am I looking pretty in the picture or is it presentable? That’s a major reason that I didn’t post much regularly. Even now I remember how I used to discuss with one of my friends watching another’s post that how did he neglected the surrounding details and posted it on social media for everyone to view it. But now analyzing that, feeling that way was so wrong. Posting a picture means to share our good and bad times in our life with the world, it is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving what you have caught on film and reliving the moment. Now I know that social media and real life are not the same and I shouldn’t really care. But I do. I care for what the younger ones and everyone else see and learn from me. I want them to know that even though I was not that good in portraying myself, but I'll do better. I hope it’s not too late. And as the saying goes " Its better late than never" so here it’s never too late to start this right now, at this very moment.

So, that's pretty much it. I thought to keep this simple and short when I started but I think that I am already in love with this. And as I have already mentioned, I really did, overdo it!

I hope you stick around for more blogs.